Hairdressers
Scene
Modern characters:
Ellie- Sarah
Liberty- Lily
50's characters:
Beth- Mary
Nicole- Rose
All are sitting in a row facing
audience. The stage is split into two- 50's and modern day within
hairdressers.
[All sigh]
All: How can I help?
All place hand on head next to us
and push to the left once they have said their line.
Lily: It’s a bit greasy
Sarah: I’ll just have some highlights
Rose: Oh I’ll have a cut and blow-dry
Mary: Oh and just a trim please
All swoop down from left to right
and pick up ‘magazine’
Sarah: (laughs) [speaking to
Lily] Did you know?
[All cross legs]
Lily: No shit! God sometimes you really
are stupid. No wonder you don’t get any guys. Y’know, you should
be more like me
Sarah: What, and shove my tits in their
face?
Mary: Oh Rose, look. [Shows her
the magazine]
Rose: [Reading from magazine]
She’ll be happier with a hoover
Mary: I certainly would (laughs)
Rose: It looks top of the range
Mary: It’s top of my Christmas list
(laughs)
Lily: Ay look, My Breast are doing a
sale on boob jobs for Christmas, only two grand!
Sarah: I’ll have you know that my
boobs are top of the range
Lily: Well a boob job would be the top
of my Christmas list if I had your mozzie bites
Mary: Can I get you a drink?
Rose: Yes please
Sarah: Oi, get me a drink [to
Lily]
Both Beth and
Liberty get up to reach for drink and spin to stand behind Ellie and
Nicole. Beth and Liberty now become the hairdressers.
Liberty- Hairdresser 1
Beth- Hairdresser 2
Hairdresser 1 & 2: So what brings
you here today then?
Sarah: Well, I've got a date, so you
know I need to look my best
Rose: Well, my husband wanted to treat
me I guess, need to look my best
Hairdresser 1: Not on the pull tonight
then ay? Don’t want a vajazzle to spice up the ol’ sex life
[winks and laughs at her in mirror]
Sarah: (laughs)
What sex life? Nah, not today. Bit nervous to be honest, I don’t
normally go on dates. I'm normally looking after my friends
although Lily just calls me a cock block (laughs)
Rose: It’ll have to be a quick trim,
I have get home. You know got to prepare dinner. You must love
working here, so much free time to yourself!
Hairdresser 2: Yeah well you see all of
these women slaving away at home and for what, for their husbands to
beat them around. That’s not on now, is it?
Rose: Gosh, well I've never heard of
that happening before [slouches, nervously clutching stomach]
and anyway, we shouldn't be talking about such things in public
Hairdresser 2: It is a hairdressers,
what’d you expect!
Hairdresser 1: Y’know what love, I'm going to make you look so beautiful. You even won’t recognise
yourself
Sarah: Well I'm not sure if I like
the sound of that (laughs nervously)
Hairdresser 1 & 2 now transition
into men grabbing the hair of Rose and Sarah and pulling their heads
back
Hairdresser 1 & 2: So beautiful
(deeper voices)
Hairdresser 2: Where the hell have you
been?! Did I say you could go out?
Rose: You said for me to get my hair
done
Hairdresser 2: I didn't say for you
to come back looking a mess now, did I?!
Hairdresser 1: Look at you. You slapper
Sarah: I wanted to look nice for you
Hairdresser 1: You’re just a cheap
looking tart
Hairdresser 1 & 2: Stupid bitch!
[wraps hand around Rose and
Sarah’s necks]
Hairdresser 1 & 2: Wipe that off!
[Hairdresser 1&2 keep hold of
neck with one hand and wipe off lipstick with the other]
Hairdressers 1 & 2: (smiles)
There, much better. I can see your face now [push Rose
and Sarah forward as if forcing them to look into the mirror]
By Beth Porter
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